tearing up inside.

Today is the second day of the lunar new year. I am alone at home and in my life. I really have no mood or the energy to bother about my family affair anymore. I Have the deadliest concoction, an  angry,unwilling to listen father who indulge in drinking and an unforgiving mother who simply hate my father to the core. i am done trying mediate them. 

He just came home and he starts to complain to me about my mother today( i really dont wish to elaborate about it). We started the same debate over and over again.  i keep telling him he must save this marriage by starting on his attitude and he has to be more caring to my mother. HE dont bulge at all. HE followed by saying i am always siding my mother. Left speechless, and with a teary eye. I really pity my dad and of course love him no less than my mother but i really could not bring him to change his mind set which really hurt me the most. 

My mother simply just detest the way my father treat her and many other factors. SHE simply refuse to see my father in a different light. This is just simply agonizing. 

MY brother is so lucky. he is ignorant about what ever is happening. being the elder brother really is a burden that i simply have to carry on my back. T_T . chinese new year suck like any other day.